i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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