I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
