Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
