we're chasing vodka with high fives
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i believe in u and ur pee
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
