i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
