I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
