We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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