This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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