I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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