Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
