if i can run in heels then i can drive
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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