My brain says no but my pants say off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
