Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
