there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
