he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Randomize
