It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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