worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
