I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
