i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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