please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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