I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Randomize
