Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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