I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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