There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
