you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
