I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
