I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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