He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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