i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
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