My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
