You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
