So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
