Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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