Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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