Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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