omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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