I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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