hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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