Dual....:-)
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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