In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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