she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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