im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
