I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
