my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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