His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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