umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
