she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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