if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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