i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
