i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
