The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
