Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
