They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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