u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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