I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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