im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
