i don't like sucking hair
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
