best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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