I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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