dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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