woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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