I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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