why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
