just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
