He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
