I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
