Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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