and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
