Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
