did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
