how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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